Do we ever really know the people who stand beside us?

Apparently I have a lot to say today and am also not done with the Terra Cotta Warriors/Soldiers (see Writing is Good for the Soul blog for the other posting).

The last few days, as described earlier have also really made me question people in general. Not the friends and acquaintances I have in specific - but humanity in general. Take for example this morning - some drunk fellow went into a friends backyard - lunging himself at her front door as if to gain entrance, when he was refused he then went to another friends house and broke through her gate. I'm not sure what he was after - but the entire incident in and of itself is a little frightening. What if he had gained entrance to either home? What were his intentions, what could he have accomplished in his state? What on earth was he doing that drunk at 5am in the morning? What was his state of mind - do we really want to know?

The day before, as we came out of our home to take our dad for his surgery - we noticed someone had keyed our car. The very same car that was hit and run outside our home the week before. The same car that had all four tires slashed because I dared to look out of my window at the wrong time and some reprobate thought I was going to report him for his illegal activities. Where originally I wasn't going to - once he slashed my tires, he ensured what he didn't want to happen - happened.

I want to believe for the most part people are good, but things like this really make me think. They make me wonder how much we are products of our environments or simply of our choices. These people obviously live in the same community as I do - and I do not act that way, so it is not simply a choice made my simple geography. I see them, their homes and belongings and do not make a choice to damage or destroy them simply because they exist and I do not like them. Why do some people feel the need to do these things - and that they have the right or option to actually do so? I was not raised to believe I had the choice or option to touch someone else's things - I was taught to respect and value them, even more so if they were not my own. It would never cross my mind to hurt or damage something or someone - whether they were mine or not.

I think perhaps this bothers me today for more than just the obvious reason. It is also because I am struggling to find peace with the "lady" that shares my dad's life. After mom passed this woman told him she fell in love with him at our mom's funeral. I cannot tell you how inappropriate I find this - on all counts. They had been longtime friends - so I find it even more intolerable, but I seem to be alone in this regard.

In the two years that have passed this woman has ingratiated herself into his life and his world, at the expense of our family, and for some reason he hasn't noticed. Perhaps it is because she has kept him ill for the last 10 months - he has been too busy trying to keep hold of his health and sanity, while she steadfastly kept on with her own plan.

She booked him a cruise with her family over Christmas - at the expense of his own, same with Thanksgiving. She gave him tremendous amounts of grief for attending an annual family event - one we graciously invited her to join with us as a sign of some respect for her place in his life, that she accepted and then declined at the last moment. She let his health deteriorate without offering him help or any sort of assistance - while ensuring we were kept at a distance. She has steadfastly been improving her place in his life by keeping him ill and needing her - so much so that now he will hear not a word against her.

Where once he told us he would never marry again - she proudly displays a diamond promise ring she says he bought her, he has been too ill to comment or confront in this regard - and she always brings up this topic when he is not around.

Where once he told us he did not want to share homes or have a roommate again - she is constantly barraging us with stories of their house hunting and their plants for setting up home together.

When we agreed on specific details for his surgery, treatment and follow up - she went behind our backs, changed them all and did what she wanted, not what we wanted or was best for him.

When he called her in pain to take him to emergency she made him wait almost 4 hours while she pet sat her daughters dog. When she finally did take him - she left him there by himself, with no id, no wallet, no house keys and didn't tell any of his family until several hours later - when she had again gone home to take care of the dog. For some reason she felt the need to take his personal belongings from him, go to his house unattended, call us from there and then leave to take care of this dog. This makes no sense to me. In his morphine state in the emergency ward he told us of his fears for her casual attitude towards his health, but in the same breath apologized for being so strong with her when he asked her to take him to emergency.

All of her conversations are about her, her desire to continue her travels and get back to her life that he has taken from her with all this wasted time. Does she not realize he was sick and could have died? That the ten months she sat by and watched him waste away may cost him more than he can repair at his age of 75? Is this what love is - I think not.

Yet she stands beside him and professes her love... as we try to do our best to get him healthy and to protect him from this type of "love", I really do wonder... do we ever really know the people who stand beside us??