Out sick...be back soon.

I've been quick sick for the past few weeks and lately haven't been well enough to blog. We made a breakthrough today and a big step in the right direction. I'll be healthy again soon and will be back then.

See you soon.

Focusing on the good things...

There are many days to our lives if we are lucky, and if we are even luckier we find our days filled with only the good things. We get to follow our dreams and do the things we want to do, the things that make us happy.

What makes us happier still is knowing that this is a never ending cycle. We do what makes us happy and it feeds everything else and the cycle continues. I think if we expand the circle of our happiness to every other area of our lives it can have the same response.

I know for myself I am extremely lucky. I live a charmed life, one that I am grateful for each and every day. I get to fill my time how I choose with the things, people and events that I love. How could I not be happy? How can that not transfer to everything else? I also believe that having a positive happy mindset helps us move forward in our journey. It helps us past the blocks we may have experienced or perhaps even put in our own way to stumble over.

I have known people in my life, before I "weeded" my garden, that seemed to only enjoy the chaos and drama and if enough of it wasn't present, they created it themselves. Until I walked away from those "relationships" I didn't realize how my energies were zapped by these things. Not having that in my life has opened me up to the good things I want in my life and frees my mind and body to explore things are in front of me and not get stuck in the past.

I have the time to focus my energy on the things I want in my life and the things I want to bring into my life that I have not yet achieved and for myself, that is a better use of my time. I have big goals and dreams that I want to achieve for myself, yet I know that I am perfectly happy as I am. I will not chase the future at the expense of my present and I think that is a positive way to move forward. I don't want to miss a moment of life, waiting to experience it only when I reach my goals. It really is true that life is the journey, not just reaching the end point. I am so lucky and I am grateful for this gift each and every day and that is where I will focus my attentions and efforts.

Love is what we want it to be...

Yes this picture is probably photo shopped, edited and you name it, but does it really matter? Is what it represents not more important than its origins? Are we so closed that we cannot appreciate the thoughts behind its creation?

I think love is like that. We just have to open our eyes and be willing to see it for what it is and not always question it or the conditions it comes with.

If we are open to it, love comes to us in many ways. It is however up to us what we do with that love. Some loves we cannot return or fully explore while others we are free to live out to their fullest. Some loves grow fuller and richer as they age while others reach their limits and their end by dates.

Sometimes love is all the sweeter for the things you have shared - even if those moments are few in number, their impact lasts a lifetime. Perhaps the limits in time make it that much easier to appreciate the beauty of those cherished seconds.

To be forever grateful to have experienced such powerful love is worth not being able to share in it for very long. Many would say the hurt from the loss would overpower the love and they would run in fear. For me, I have ran towards it, to experience it for all it was, for all it could be, for as long as it could be and then held onto it as a wonderful gift once its time had expired. I have never regretted the opportunities that I have found love and each one has left me far richer and fuller as a person than I would have otherwise.

Every time I have experienced love I have grown in so many ways I probably couldn't find the words to explain it completely. Every type of love, shared with every type of person or animal (think pets) brings something to you and leaves its mark on you, just as you leave something of yourself with them. Sometimes these things are tangible but mostly they are not. They are more like an internal touchstone that makes you smile and feel good. The risks of trying to feel and follow the love sometimes worked out and other times they did not, but they were still worth feeling alive enough to go after them. Even the hurts were worth it, with no regrets.

Thoughts like this typically come when we lose a loved one and while we are sad, we are so happy and grateful to have had the time to share with them, this price, while high to pay, is still worth it, for what they brought to our lives holds far more weight than any grief.

I believe that in our lives we have opportunities to give and receive love from many. Some are friends, some are lovers, some are spouses and some are strangers we may never meet and others we just haven't met yet The options hold no limits and no boundaries. We can show love in so many ways and love can be what we want it to be.

I think that is sometimes lost when we are looking to find love. It can be anywhere, in any form, from anybody. It doesn't have a specific package or order, it just is. We just have to give it first ... and then we will be able to find it in everything. Once you have experienced it, its impact will indeed last forever and be with you forever. That should make your heart smile and your soul sing. What greater gift is there than love?

Photo credit: http://www.scribd.com/doc/515961/Friendship-and-love-defined-in-a-single-photo-

Seeing for the first time.

Today's quote made me think of eyes and all that they mean. Not just what we see, but how we see and are seen.

We are "eye witnesses" to life, yet we all see the same things differently. We do however see the same themes of love, beauty, happiness, sadness etc.,

Is how we see things simply a matter of perspective rather than a function of our body? When does the mind get involved to interpret what we see and how does it decide how we incorporate it into our experiences both present and past?

Does this process not cloud things? Allow us to add our own judgments or emotions when they detract from the originality? Are we doing ourselves a disservice when we look at things in this manner? Perhaps a more personal approach for such a sensitive area of our bodies is in order.

How do we feel when we take a step back to see that others are looking at us the very same way? How do we want to be seen? Isn't there more to us that "meets the eye"? What do our eyes say about us? How we feel, what we are thinking, what we are dreaming, what we have overcome or what we have achieved?

Perhaps the first step to changing it is to just be aware of it. Open your eyes to see the richness of the greens, the vibrancy of the colors - and just let them be. Don't try to classify or opine - just be in that moment. When you own sight is clear perhaps those looking at you will see things clearly as well. Through your own eyes if necessary?

I wonder how it will change my vision when I try that each and every time? I'm not sure, but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Every moment is perfect...

If you want it to be. I am noticing again, the power of positive thinking. Perhaps it doesn't change the entire situation, but I am finding it changes how I feel about it. No matter what "it" is.

I believe I learned this by learning that I can only control myself and my own actions and responses and also to let go of everything and not hold on so tight. Everything will happen in its time and I don't need control every aspect of life. Besides being incredibly tiring it seemed like I was constantly fighting my way like a salmon swimming upstream.

I am no longer like that and I no longer do that to myself, or those I surround myself with. My way isn't the only way, nor is it the right way for everyone, and that is ok.

I have found that by releasing the control I thought I needed, I can actually see the situation and the good side of it, instead of only concentrating on the parts of it I didn't like and wanted to rid myself of.

The two main benefits I find are being so much less stressed about life and everything in it which basically eliminate any sort of drama and I am a lot happier. Who wouldn't be if they aren't stressed? Seriously though, I find when I'm not focused on the negative part of a situation I can see the good side, the benefits; and to me, that is a much happier place to be.

Trusting yourself

Today's quote got me to thinking about how we judge and question ourselves, in most cases too much.

Sometimes it is because of something we are doing for the first time and other times it is when we find ourselves repeating actions we have made a thousand times before.

Trusting ourselves should be an internal automatic function yet it is often dictated by external forces that we have given over power and control to.

I think when outside forces dictate what we think of and how we treat ourselves something is wrong or at the very least out of balance.

Yes there are the obvious rules of existence within any society and the rules of humanity, but beyond that nobody should have any impact upon our views of ourself.

We always want people to like us, be proud of us, approve of us and so many other things, but we don't need to look outside for these things. In fact the external will most times leave you empty because what we are really looking for is the approval and satisfaction of our own internal compass.

We've all learned for far too long that it is what others think of us is what matters and for the most part our lives are set up to continue this pattern. From the day we start school and get our first report card filled with letters rating and labelling us with our personal level of skill and talent and then those always present hand written notes on the side. Those words have the power to change how our loved ones see us and how we indeed see ourselves. The die has been cast.

Fast forward to your first job and its the same thing. First you had to have someone like you to get the interview to show your skills, then prove yourself worthy on all accounts to get an offer of a position. From then on your daily performance is weighed, measured and valued - sometimes on your own merit, sometimes on that of your superior and other times only on your mistakes. One strike of a pen is enough to change the course of your life in a job performance evaluation - no matter what our personal position and preferences may be.

Somehow during all of these things we are taught that the external us is what matters and what is valued but I think that is when we start to feel off track and out of balance with ourselves and our lives and begin to search for something. Something more, something better - we're really not sure, but are confident that when we find it we will know.

Then one day, if we are lucky it doesn't take too long - we take the time to smell the flowers we planted from seed, after having watched them grow and bloom to their ultimate beauty. Something inside of us recognizes that it is things like this that matter and not being a size 0. Somewhere inside we feel that knot that has been inside our stomach unwind and we begin to breathe deeper and more satisfying than ever before.

Every part of us is important and should be valued, expressed and appreciated and it is what we think of ourselves that is vastly more important than what we have allowed a perfect stranger to do. Once we see where we have gone off track, we realize we are worthy of our own trust and belief in self. Then it is easy to do if we are willing to be that dreaded thing - selfish.

Putting yourself first has gotten a bad wrap and is ultimately necessary for our own survival. All it really is - is believing we are worth it. Believing we are worth spending the time on no matter what it is - being healthy, learning something new, taking in relaxation, exercising a belief system, you name it.

Having faith in our abilities, being confident in our successes and trusting that we know what is right for ourselves is what will propel us forward in life. Without having these things for and within ourselves how could we possibly appreciate them in others, the planet and so on?

If it registers and resonates within you, that is you - telling you something, we just need to learn to listen to that and trust its ok. After all, don't we really have our own best interests at heart?

Whatever you ask for... will find you.

I believe we draw things to us. People, lessons, experiences, books, music - you name it. If we're not ready for them, they just keep on coming back to us until we are. The hardest part is being open to receiving them at all. I know for myself sometimes things have to hit me over the head before I get the message. Apparently I'm not one for subtle messages.

I'm writing this because a friend of mine years ago gave me a book. I accepted it with thanks and put it on my bookshelf and never got around to reading it. The next year I was at the spa and my masseuse who I had met a year before asked me for my address so she could send me something. I said yes and a month later received another copy of the book a different person had given me two years prior.

A few months later a friend borrowed the book - and me knowing I had two copies said she could keep it. That year for my birthday I got two copies from two completely different friends!
But you know what - I still didn't read the bloody book! I packed them all up because we were moving and left them in the boxes because I didn't have room to unpack all of my library in that home. We moved again a year later and still I hadn't unpacked the books until about a month ago.

The very day I started to unpack the books I was called to the door by a neighbor who wanted to give me a book. You guessed it - the same book, with a DVD inside. Yet to me it seemed like it was the first time I had received it. I guess I was finally ready to receive it. I stopped my unpacking, read the newly provided copy, watched the DVD and started to laugh at myself.

When I finally resumed my unpacking I carefully placed all 5 copies of the book that I now own together on my shelf. I'll keep them until I figure out who I should give them to so they can keep their own copy until they are ready.

It's not the book per se, its the content that you need to be ready for. Because once you know something, you cannot "un know" it. Call it fate, destiny.. whatever you want, but whatever you ask for, will find you. It's up to you to be ready for it.

Delicate balance of friendships

If you are like me you have a few good friends and many acquaintances. Despite your greatest hopes and desires, it seems so much harder to find the time to spend with the people that are your friends.

You never want to let them down by saying no and sometimes end up committing yourself to something you are not sure you can actually do or attend, because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Yet, you do when you have to cancel. Isn't that ironic, by trying not to mess things up you more than often end up doing that.

I got caught in another one of those Catch 22's today. Sometimes I think the hardest thing is to let the people you love and care about know how much they mean to you, when you cannot seem to see them or spend time with them. It's also hard to let them know you respect them and don't take them for granted when you have to continually cancel plans. The reasons for cancelling don't actually matter - its how you hurt those that you love that matter.

As with most things in life, friendships too are a delicate balance. I just trust that as we all move forward that we will find our way together, no matter what blocks are in our way. Perhaps learning to treat the time with friends as the priority it should be - will prevent it from being continually overshadowed by the call of business. Therein lies the struggle - the business pays for the time to spend with friends, yet without the friends it won't matter how well your business is going if you don't have anyone to share it with.

Lesson learned - wake up call received.

I did it...

Well I'm back... I said I would be.. and here I am. I have finished my 5th novel and my 5th year of the 3 Day Novel Contest... and I'm already looking forward to next year!

I am going to be in another writing contest in November called the NaNoWriMo, but that is for the entire month, not just 3 days, so I will be able to be here blogging away.

I have to admit, getting so stuck into the heads of my characters made me miss my blogging that much more. My connection to myself I guess. All this is really just to say I'm back and I'm really proud of myself for completing my goal again this year. I beat my word count over last year by almost 13,000 words which I am attributing to working on my outline first.

It's amazing how good it feels when we set goals and reach them.

Next week our office will be built so I will have nice new digs to write from instead of being perched at my dining room table or on my bed. I know... life is tough.. *lol*...

Well that's about it for today, just wanted to say hello ...

See you again tomorrow.