I like most people in the world, have seen this picture on too many occasions to count, yet I cannot not stop finding it. I try not to look at it, to see what might happen and when I cannot find the answers I want, or hope enough to believe in the best - I usually stop looking.Today I am not going to do that. I have left the story of this photo and the ultimate suicide by Kevin Carter - the photographer who took this picture, for a reason. But to be honest, I am not sure exactly what the reason is.
It is beyond horrific to imagine what might possibly have happened to this poor child, all alone, struggling to make it to the UN food camp. Even if the vulture wasn't standing there waiting. Yet the combination is something that imposes both horror and revulsion - yet also tears and frustration and grief.
It doesn't matter to me that this picture was taken almost 15 years ago, what it represents is something that I believe we all, at some time or another, are faced with. While there is a difference between hopelessness and helplessness - what it takes from the inside, to face and ultimately conquer them is the same. The only difference, to me anyways, is what happens on the outside. Inside we want to survive and thrive - and it doesn't matter where we are on Maslow's hierarchy - nothing matters unless those are achieved.
We all need both parts of ourselves to be fed and nourished - literally and figuratively speaking, it is just a matter of how it happens for each of us. I believe on some level, when we are going through our own learning experiences, we are presented with things that touch us and challenge us in equal measures. We are presented with our own pain to learn how to forgive others and we are presented with others pain to learn how to forgive ourselves.
Now I know that on some level that may seem backwards - but for me, that is how it works. When I am hurting or sad, I find inner peace and relief by looking at goodness in my outer world. Drawing on its strength to help me find the release I need to be freed at that time. Most times the pain I hold on to is something I can fix by letting it go. Letting go itself is an entirely interesting process and how it works is truly amazing. By looking from the inside out, things settle into their appropriate place and forgiveness becomes a natural thing, which in turn fosters the release.
The second part of needing to see, feel and touch other people's pain in order to forgive ourselves is harder to explain. In an effort to protect ourselves from feeling more pain or hurt than we think we can possible endure, we put up walls and boundaries. Most are healthy and necessary, but some are not and are burdens we may not realize we are carrying. When something about someone else and their situation touches us - and we feel it in that moment, it is resonating somewhere within us. Not that it is entirely the same, I don't mean that, I mean it ignites something that is dormant within us. Whether it is something we have hidden from or have not yet had the time to process - or even something we were not even aware we had to address, once that spark is felt, it continues to glow within each of us until it reaches its exact mark. Once we feel it, we cannot - not feel it, or undo its value and we are forced to face whatever it is.
Usually, for me anyways, if I can make myself stay with it, rather than hide it again, I find something about myself that I need to forgive and move past. It is a scary feeling to confront yourself - especially when the feelings are coming from inside instead of the usual out we are used to with aches and pains on the surface. This is a deep wound or hurt - of ourselves and usually from ourselves. We all know that nobody judges us as harshly as we do ourselves.
Once you stare whatever it is, straight in the face, it looses its power and it is done with.
It is such an easy process once it reaches that stage, yet we are all terrified to do this research into ourselves. Perhaps that is what draws us to each others pain - because on some level, we know that by sharing in it, it not only helps others, but it helps ourselves. I don't believe this is done on a mentally aware basis initially - I think it too comes from deep within us, our hearts, our souls and on a cellular level. It is who we are and how we are made.
I am going to try to continue to see how I feel and think when I react on an emotional level to anything that comes onto my path. I know it is there for a reason and if I stick with it long enough and stay open to whatever will come, I know for a fact, the end result will be good. It always has been... I just needed to take the blinders off to see it for what it was. I hope when you have had a chance to sit down and think of what it is that presses your buttons, you can see the gift it really is - as well as seeing what a gift you are providing others.
